CrossCurrents A Catholic Reflects on Faith in Our Times

Bernard F. Swain, Ph.D. www.CrossCurrents.us

Living Ashes

For my family, the ashes came a day early this year.

My Aunt Helen (whom we’d known as Toni) died last week, and her funeral was on Mardi Gras – the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. And because she was cremated before the funeral itself, the ceremony took place without her body, but with her ashes instead.

I have long believed that, of all the liturgical reforms emerging from Vatican II (1962 – 1965), funerals have been the most consistently successful. Helen’s funeral proved me right.

As an altar boy I was the “master of ceremonies” for every funeral in my parish between 1959 and 1962. I probably participated in 100 funerals up until a few weeks before Vatican II convened in October 1962. Those pre-Conciliar funerals were frequently horrifying for a twelve-year-old. Everything was black. The air was full of smoke – and since I was often charged with the incense, that smoke nearly choked me. The music sounded like wailing to me, and the little I knew of the Latin texts scared me too: I knew that “Dies Irae” meant “the Day of Wrath!”

The ritual itself was highly formalized (my biggest challenges for solemn-high Masses were lighting the 12 ft. high candles, and making sure I didn’t mix up the three priests’ birettas). Every funeral resembled every other; only the crying varied. There was generally no sermon, and there was never a eulogy: never any words specifically about the deceased or his/her life. Aside from the pallbearers, the family had no active role, other than joining in the “Our Father” near the end. My overall impression was that funerals were a necessary chore imposed on grieving families, a meaningless preamble to a decent Christian burial.

Over the 40 years since Vatican II, I’ve probably attended another 100 funerals – but what a difference!

The vestments are white, and even mourners have learned that black is no longer de rigeur funeral attire. The music is generally upbeat, consoling, hopeful – and the texts follow suit, emphasizing resurrection over wrath, and Easter over ashes.

The liturgy itself has been transformed with readings that stress Christian faith and hope and Christ’s redeeming grace. Latin has long given way to the English, so mourners can follow the prayers and readings. Many priests have mastered funeral homilies so that, even if they never met the deceased, they are able to speak to the family’s grieving state. And above all, those families take an active part that makes the ceremony their unique celebration.

In Helen’s case, this was certainly true. Granddaughters offered the scripture readings, others brought up gifts and even carried the ashes, a great-grandchild led the prayers of the faithful, and Helen’s oldest child delivered a poignant, personal, and proud eulogy that left some (including the brother who had nursed his mother in his own home during her last weeks) choked with sad but grateful tears. Even the funeral program, including photos of Helen (as a child, in her youth, as a bride, and near the end of her life) alongside texts and songs chosen especially for the occasion, had been produced by family members. And the priest, who had never met Helen, nonetheless supplied a homily that moved family and friends alike. Finally, the entire congregation prayed and sang together as active participants throughout the ceremony.

All in all, it was the kind of event that showed what Church should always be—but often fails to be: a heartfelt gathering of faithful who join forces to celebrate their lives together and to acknowledge the mark God’s love makes on those lives. In this funeral, the collective efforts of an entire community combined to manifest the body of Christ (St. Paul’s “many gifts but one spirit.”) in action.

If all worship were always like this, our churches would be full. We would be singing out loud, praying fervently, preaching passionately, sharing responsibilities and emotions and engaging wholeheartedly in the joy of meeting life’s trials as a single body united by faith.

Sadly, such authentic faith, while common at funerals, is too often missing from the rest of Church life. Too many parishes manage only dull, lifeless, weekend liturgies in which too many participate with half their hearts, if at all. If you doubt me, just ask yourself: why, nearly two generations after Vatican two, is it still so difficult to find a Mass where Catholics sing as loud as Lutherans?

Most other sacraments fare no better. Parents everywhere resist baptism at Sunday Mass (to avoid the very community their child is joining) in favor of a private family-only ceremony. Too often confirmation is about the hoopla over robes and photos with the Bishop and the “graduation” atmosphere. Too often weddings are so focused on gowns and decor and videography that everyone – even the priest – forgets that the bride and groom, for the first and probably only time in their lives, are the actual ministers performing the sacrament taking place. And for all the sacraments, the gathering of faithful not only costs less, but often matters less to people, than the party afterward. The ceremony remains a formality to get through before the REAL community celebration.

Is it any surprise that I hear this commonplace phrase among priests: “I’d rather do ten funerals than one wedding”?

Yes, Lent is upon us. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” is the message. How ironic that only the moment of death gives our worship so much life! Perhaps this offers a good topic for Lenten prayer and reflection: how do we breathe as much life into the rest of our worship as Helen’s loving family breathed over her ashes?

© Bernard F. Swain PhD 2006

Send Your Comments and Questions to bfswain@juno.com

Dr. Swain’s opinions do not represent the views of this parish or any other official body.

Bernie Swain has devoted more than 30 years to adult spiritual formation in dioceses in the US, Canada, and France. Since 1991 he has maintained a private practice as trainer, teacher, and consultant to leaders in parishes and other religious organizations. He holds degrees in theology and political science from Holy Cross, Harvard, The University of Paris, and The University of Chicago.

His writings include Liberating Leadership (Harper & Row, 1986) and more than 200 articles in periodicals such as The National Catholic Reporter, Commonweal, The Miami Herald, The Catholic Free Press, The Pilot, Harvard Theological Review, and Liturgy.

A lifelong layperson, he lives in Boston with his wife and three children. Visit his website at:

http://www.CrossCurrents.us

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